Non Dating Haystack Burning?

The Texts:

      

Backstory:

Keith and I went to the same highschool (class of 2006, he graduated a year or two earlier.) We were close/ friends, in the way that young women think men are their friend while men are being friendly to have a chance romantically.
Life happened, we drifted apart and went separate ways- I moved out of state and haven't returned. We've hardly kept in touch; we might exchange happy birthday texts or a quick update once or twice per year, but every few years he has made a point to see me.

2014 - I had recently moved to MD and he asked to visit. I said sure, he did, and was then angry because I was with my then-husband (he didn't ask prior or give any indication the visit was meant to be more than friendly.)

2016 - I moved to GA (recently divorced) and he asked to visit. I said sure, he did, and repeatedly told my sister how much he's NOT in love with me, I learned much later 

2018 - He requested I join him for a short vacation. I was in a LTR, but my partner was comfortable with it and I agreed. I went, we had a nice time, and I quickly ignored/ forgot my irritation about how clingy he is. He paid for my flight; I don't recall it being a question or discussed at all. Nothing sexual occured.

2020ish - he asked me to join him on a vacation, and I said "sure" which apparently was not excited enough so it never happened (he told me recently)

2023 - he asked if I would join him on a trip and requested I be more excited than "sure." I told him I'm autistic and a dry response does not indicate disinterest, because I would absolutely say no if I didn't want to go. We planned a trip for 2024. I told him I wasn't comfortable spending the extra money currently, and he paid for my flight.

During our planning conversations, I responded to something with "another reason not to date" which I learned after was his indication that I was single.

Up to this point I would have described Keith as kind, generous, respectful, and considerate, which were enough to make me excuse his incessant talking and questionable clinginess (only a problem face to face.)

2024 - The Trip

We flew from our respective locations to Anchorage - 10 hours of travel for both of us. The next morning we enjoy a museum and pop by a handful of touristy locations around the city - it's not quite tourist season yet.

I'm uncomfortable with him, but I process slowly... I text my lady friends group chat.

We went to Seward for a day cruise the following day. I'm becoming overwhelmed with his constant presence, talking, and touching me, but I process slowly and haven't quite figured out how to verbalize it.

That evening we met my cousin Dave for dinner - we hadn't seen each other for 12 years and don't keep in touch.

I text group chat again, starting to put it together. 

We're returning to Anchorage (~2 hr drive). My only time alone thus far was one breakfast by myself - to which he invited himself, but wasn't actually hungry so I told him to stay. We were sharing a hotel room but separate beds. No sex things at all. He repeatedly invited himself into my bed, even after I told him I'd prefer to be alone. Before leaving Seward, he spent the morning singing love songs - we knew each other from high school choir, so singing alone wasn't the problem, nor out of character, but the combination of all the sensory input and ignored boundaries had me racing toward a meltdown. 

Since it had become clear that my boundaries were irrelevant, and I learned that Keith had a history of violence (putting a hole in the wall when his ex upset him) I was biding my time until we reached civilization. I listened to silence with my noice canceling ear buds, and tried to ignore his constant touching and hand holding. Allowing it but remaining limp. We got back to Anchorage, and I demanded, perhaps too aggressively, time to myself. I told him "Don't feel like you have to wait for me" [to continue to our next location].

(Marshall is my ex, who displayed terrifying mood swings between a really great guy that I wanted to be with to so full of rage I thought he'd kill me.)

My stomach was much improved at this point, and I wasn't about to waste an all-day flight by leaving early, so I planned the remainder of the trip alone.

Keith found my cousin on fb and checked in. Dave didn't say anything about me being safe but okay. I continued to process with the help of my lady friends.

We laughed a bit and I had a nice trip. Stayed with my cousin who was working long days, so I was mostly alone (which was amazing and much needed), and then was included in family plans before I left.

But on the day I was scheduled to return home, he text me again, hoping we can talk.

Apparently I didn't respond fast enough, because while I was in flight, he text again, saying he's coming to Atlanta in 3 days hoping to see me. This type of aggression surprised me, as I've never seen a hint of it in over 20 years... (check his messages again in the first 4 images)

      

I probably shouldn't have responded to him at all, since it seems like he didn't even read it. And a week later he's suddenly ready to listen, but hasn't gone back to consider my perspective.

He's blocked and I'm not going to bother educating him, but I wish one of these "good men" I keep hearing about would do it. They're never going to listen to us (women), so if men are to improve we need them to call each other out.

Joshua Tree and Angeles National Forest January 2017

When we arrived in LA the weather was beautiful.  Our first day at Joshua Tree was 70 degrees and sunny - precisely the weather I like to climb in.  JTree was interesting.  It's called a national forest, but the only "trees" are cacti and little bushes.  There are hundreds of clusters of mountains, and they looked built to me.  Like a toddler had pieced them together, instead of forming naturally.

 Echo Rock, and one of the few trees in the forest.

 A completed climb at Indian Cove.

 Prepping to climb at Indian Cove.

 The view from the top of Indian Cove.

 Another view.

 Hiking around looking for climbing and stopping for lunch.

The last climb - I wish I remembered what it's called, but it's very recognizable from the ground because of the "cave" I'm standing in.  I started leading it but was unable to reach the next clip from where I'm pictured, so Sean finished it and I topped it.

The next few days were too cold for me to climb in Joshua Tree, so we headed back towards LA.  We stopped at quite a few wineries on our way, including Galleano, Miramonte, Falkner, and Rosenthal.

Our last climbing was in Angeles National Forest.  A drive up a windy mountain, then a short hike to the crag.  There were at least four pitches on the climb we did, but I got too cold after two. 

The view from the hiking path.  We climbed the far left side of what's pictured.  A nice slab climb probably no harder than 5.9.

I learned to play poker while we were camping, and I learned that I need to go farther south in the winter.  A fun trip overall; I'd love to go back when it's warmer.

Mokuleia December 2016

Since the most celebrating I do for any holiday* is have an extra cocktail, Sean and I camped on Christmas Eve so Cj and her family could do the traditional Christmas thing without us.  They dropped us off on Farrington Highway between the beach and Mokuleia Trail.  We hung out on the beach for a bit, but it was cold for me even just to lay out, and we wanted to make it to the crag before it got dark.  It's a 45 minute hike up to the crag - I'd say a fairly difficult hike, but I did it in flip flops while drinking so I can't complain too much.  Very much uphill though.

In a clear spot near the beginning of the hike.

We made it up shortly before dark and looked around to find someplace to camp.  We passed locals heading out on our way up who said most people camp on the beach, but I wanted to see the climbing and I didn't want to hike up the mountain twice.

Looking back down at the beach.

Our camping place, Christmas morning.

It was interesting; there are loads of nooks and crannies at the base of the entire wall, and there were quite a few sets of climbing gear left in them.  Nice to be able to have your gear waiting instead of having to hike it up every time, and trust that it won't be stolen.  The brown box behind where we camped was a shelving unit of sorts - I have no idea how it got up there - but inside were sunglasses, another set of gear, and some odds and ends.

We were the only ones up there for the night - and no wonder, because it got very cold and windy - but we were able to start climbing before anyone else arrived the next morning.  I looked up and down the wall, said "This looks good," and started climbing.

I was struggling, but nearly halfway up when some locals arrived and told us I was between Copper Dragon and Double Dragon - 5.11d and 5.12a, respectively.  "No one really climbs those."  Since I rarely climb anything over 5.10, and generally don't lead anything above 5.9, I'm surprised I made it as far as I did.  But I came down from my last clip and let Sean finish and clean it. It took a while, and he had to continue zigzagging between the two, but he did make it to the top on lead with no falls.

 Sean on another climb.

 And another.

The beach from the top of my last climb.

An interesting thing about the climbs at Mokuleia was that there were cords through the bolts, so you could tie your own rope, pull it through and have a top rope without anyone having to lead it.  

After we hiked back down and played on the beach for a while, we hitchhiked with a nice older man drinking beer over to the bus stop, and bussed back to Cj's house.  Happy holiday!

*Except Halloween.  I'm very serious about that holiday.

Waimea Beach December 2016

My best friend Cj has lived in Hawaii for a couple years (her husband is in the Army) and I jumped at the opportunity to visit her during the holidays.  There was lots of hanging out and playing games, but one day the five of us went to check out Waimea Beach.  Sean and I found some bouldering immediately, and while I rarely boulder - it's so scary to me - these were nice, and had a variety of grades to try.  You could top out and easily hike down around the back to return to the beach.  Or fall back into the sand.

 I should have taken pictures of the whole boulder - next time.  There were several routes that I was comfortable climbing, (meaning very easy, because I hate falling without a rope) as well as more difficult ones that Sean and some other guys were having trouble with.  Some routes had bolts on top if one wanted to set up a top rope, but the total height was under 25'.

As part of Waimea Park, there's a hike paved walk to Waimea Falls.  It's really gorgeous there, even in winter, and ends at the falls, which guests are allowed to swim in if they're insane comfortable with freezing water.  I touched my feet in briefly and took photos.
The rock surrounding the falls looks climbable, but alas, I don't want to climb anything badly enough to swim through ice water to do it.  Park employees were all over and I'm not certain whether climbing is even allowed.

Standing on a bridge, 15 minute walk before the falls.

At the safe (dry) edge of the falls.

Red River Gorge November 2016

This sounded like a great idea:  Six of us share a cabin and go climbing in KY over Thanksgiving weekend.  It's a 6 hour drive from Atlanta, so worth it for the long weekend.  Normal climbers love this.  The place was packed, and there was actually some trouble booking a cabin because of it.

Not my style.  In November, Kentucky is COLD.  Average probably 50 degrees while we were there. No amount of warm clothing can save my bare hands from ice rock.  Tight climbing shoes means my feet were cold too.  I knew I was a giant wuss when it came to cold weather - I grew up in Michigan and moved south and more south until Atlanta, where it still gets too cold for me.

This was our last day, we stopped at Miguel's Pizza on the way out.  It's a big stop for climbers, but I honestly wasn't crazy impressed with the food.

 Hiking to our first climb on the WARMEST day we were there.

 Steve belaying Sean, and Kyle is to the left.

 A view from the top.

 Another view from a different top.  I was so cold I only climbed a handful of times all weekend.

 A warm(ish) day climb.

 Sean wanted to climb this on our way out.  It's rather overhung, so I didn't do it, but we later realized it was multi-pitch sport, so we missed out on it.

 I'll try in the summer.

Last view.

There are a lot of climbs in a small area, and I'm interested in going back when the weather is more agreeable.