Non Dating Haystack Burning?

The Texts:

      

Backstory:

Keith and I went to the same highschool (class of 2006, he graduated a year or two earlier.) We were close/ friends, in the way that young women think men are their friend while men are being friendly to have a chance romantically.
Life happened, we drifted apart and went separate ways- I moved out of state and haven't returned. We've hardly kept in touch; we might exchange happy birthday texts or a quick update once or twice per year, but every few years he has made a point to see me.

2014 - I had recently moved to MD and he asked to visit. I said sure, he did, and was then angry because I was with my then-husband (he didn't ask prior or give any indication the visit was meant to be more than friendly.)

2016 - I moved to GA (recently divorced) and he asked to visit. I said sure, he did, and repeatedly told my sister how much he's NOT in love with me, I learned much later 

2018 - He requested I join him for a short vacation. I was in a LTR, but my partner was comfortable with it and I agreed. I went, we had a nice time, and I quickly ignored/ forgot my irritation about how clingy he is. He paid for my flight; I don't recall it being a question or discussed at all. Nothing sexual occured.

2020ish - he asked me to join him on a vacation, and I said "sure" which apparently was not excited enough so it never happened (he told me recently)

2023 - he asked if I would join him on a trip and requested I be more excited than "sure." I told him I'm autistic and a dry response does not indicate disinterest, because I would absolutely say no if I didn't want to go. We planned a trip for 2024. I told him I wasn't comfortable spending the extra money currently, and he paid for my flight.

During our planning conversations, I responded to something with "another reason not to date" which I learned after was his indication that I was single.

Up to this point I would have described Keith as kind, generous, respectful, and considerate, which were enough to make me excuse his incessant talking and questionable clinginess (only a problem face to face.)

2024 - The Trip

We flew from our respective locations to Anchorage - 10 hours of travel for both of us. The next morning we enjoy a museum and pop by a handful of touristy locations around the city - it's not quite tourist season yet.

I'm uncomfortable with him, but I process slowly... I text my lady friends group chat.

We went to Seward for a day cruise the following day. I'm becoming overwhelmed with his constant presence, talking, and touching me, but I process slowly and haven't quite figured out how to verbalize it.

That evening we met my cousin Dave for dinner - we hadn't seen each other for 12 years and don't keep in touch.

I text group chat again, starting to put it together. 

We're returning to Anchorage (~2 hr drive). My only time alone thus far was one breakfast by myself - to which he invited himself, but wasn't actually hungry so I told him to stay. We were sharing a hotel room but separate beds. No sex things at all. He repeatedly invited himself into my bed, even after I told him I'd prefer to be alone. Before leaving Seward, he spent the morning singing love songs - we knew each other from high school choir, so singing alone wasn't the problem, nor out of character, but the combination of all the sensory input and ignored boundaries had me racing toward a meltdown. 

Since it had become clear that my boundaries were irrelevant, and I learned that Keith had a history of violence (putting a hole in the wall when his ex upset him) I was biding my time until we reached civilization. I listened to silence with my noice canceling ear buds, and tried to ignore his constant touching and hand holding. Allowing it but remaining limp. We got back to Anchorage, and I demanded, perhaps too aggressively, time to myself. I told him "Don't feel like you have to wait for me" [to continue to our next location].

(Marshall is my ex, who displayed terrifying mood swings between a really great guy that I wanted to be with to so full of rage I thought he'd kill me.)

My stomach was much improved at this point, and I wasn't about to waste an all-day flight by leaving early, so I planned the remainder of the trip alone.

Keith found my cousin on fb and checked in. Dave didn't say anything about me being safe but okay. I continued to process with the help of my lady friends.

We laughed a bit and I had a nice trip. Stayed with my cousin who was working long days, so I was mostly alone (which was amazing and much needed), and then was included in family plans before I left.

But on the day I was scheduled to return home, he text me again, hoping we can talk.

Apparently I didn't respond fast enough, because while I was in flight, he text again, saying he's coming to Atlanta in 3 days hoping to see me. This type of aggression surprised me, as I've never seen a hint of it in over 20 years... (check his messages again in the first 4 images)

      

I probably shouldn't have responded to him at all, since it seems like he didn't even read it. And a week later he's suddenly ready to listen, but hasn't gone back to consider my perspective.

He's blocked and I'm not going to bother educating him, but I wish one of these "good men" I keep hearing about would do it. They're never going to listen to us (women), so if men are to improve we need them to call each other out.